I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
