Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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