Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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