So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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