Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
