Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
