I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize