will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
