just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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