Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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