theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
