Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
