It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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