I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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