He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
