I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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