You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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