guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
40s are totally the cure
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
