All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
