so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
