wanna go halves on a baby?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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