Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
