I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
