I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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