only you would photoshop your dick
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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