We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
