she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
