Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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