Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
