im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
