Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
