o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
