just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
