You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
