I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
