so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
