I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
