Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
