Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
