you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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