Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
