This is not my ceiling
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
