so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
