On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
