this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
