And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
