Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to get me chipped asap
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
