Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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