my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
