In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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