I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
