I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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