bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
