Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
