Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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