Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize