Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
