i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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