I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
