so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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