I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
