I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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