You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
