the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
