Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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