when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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