She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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