I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wish there were birth control emojis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
