Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
