I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
