Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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