When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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