No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
