Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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