Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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