I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
